You’ve seen The Biggest Loser captivate the nation with its stories of desire, triumph, struggle, and the realization of dreams. You’ve seen motivation at its extreme as individuals cope with the formidable task of battling their deepest urges in hope of realizing the hidden courage within. From our Hollywood studios we bring you something never seen before on tv or even reality. If you think you’ve seen valor, well let me assure you, you’ve seen nothing yet. We proudly introduce you, The Biggest Loser: State Government Edition!
This season will feature ten teams of contestants striving to accomplish the impossible: trim the fat from their butt, excuse me, budgets. For years, these contestants have been unable to control the desperate urges of excess. Back in the 80’s, consuming more was just the means to a healthy subsistence. After all, balance was theoretically sensible but expansion was just so much easier, so much more satisfying in the short term. What seemed like an inconsequential binge escalated into pattern, and pattern escalated into something even greater. However, how could this be wrong?… everyone else was doing it! As we sit hear today, we find these contestants on the verge of breaking the backbone of their own greatness. Only on this reality sensation will you see these ten contestants break the trends and adhere to a new regiment of responsibility. Let’s meet your cast:
- Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (California):
“People loved me as the big, heartless Terminator. If I’m going to win this competition, let the mass, heartless termination begin.”
- Governor Pat Quinn (Illinois):
“When I keep telling my constituents I’ll definitely, 100% be the biggest loser this year, everyone keeps nodding and smiling at me. What a great bunch of support! Some have even commemorated my confidence by giving me a Chicago Cubs shirt to make the best representation possible.”
- Governor David Paterson (New York):
“We all know us New Yorkers are bound to win. Remember, I’m the one that fought for those fast food taxes.”
- Governor Ted Kulongoski (Oregon):
“If I had to summarize this whole process in a few words, I’d say ’solving our problem is taxing’.”
- Governor Chris Christie (New Jersey):
“I plan to exercise. our right to greater discipline.”
- Governor Jan Brewer (Arizona):
“Holding this competition in the winter? This is our time to shine!”
- Governor Jim Douglas (Vermont):
“I just hope the measures we personally take in this show don’t lead to the bankruptcy of Vermont staple Ben & Jerry’s. Gosh, we’ve single handedly provided a nice subsidy to their bottom line.”
- Governor Jennifer Granholm (Michigan):
“I’ve been studying the Japanese very closely because they’re an expert on everything we do in the great state of Michigan! Union bylaw 6.7c might make this whole downsizing effort pretty tough though.”
- Governor Jim Gibbons (Nevada):
“The people of Nevada are willing to set an example and tighten their belts. The buffet line at the Bellagio sure was short yesterday.”
- Governor Ted Strickland (Ohio):
“If the recent presidential elections taught us anything it’s that how goes Ohio, goes the country. Oh crap, I saw that budget… that means we have a lot of work to do. Is this camera on?”
Excited? We sure are… coming this spring to NBC.*
my suggestion for the biggest loser: Federal Government Edition………….”My Friends: We live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you will join me as we try to change it.”
any ideas Danny on who said this?
I’ve been a silent reader but just want to commend you on your post of the year. Really clever stuff!